I had been waiting for someone to transcribe this from this past weekend’s The Sports Reporters where Tony Kornheiser aimed his parting shots towards Alex Rodriguez and his A-Fraud story. If someone can find the video for this that would be great but so far it is only the transcript from Watchdog.
When I was young, all I ever wanted to be was a sportswriter. I had a cousin who wanted to be an investigative reporter. So to get ahead of people who had the same dreams, we began shooting up drugs.
We were young and stupid. Didn’t know what we were doing. Strictly amateur hour. I can’t believe it worked. I didn’t even know what we were taking!
But I got sportswriter jobs at Newsday, The New York Times and the Washington Post. I had my best year in 1997. I was a finalist for the Pulitzer Prize. I still didn’t know what drugs I was using. I thought maybe it was actually Tic-Tacs, because people let me get so close to them during interviews.
I wasn’t young and stupid anymore. Now I was middle-aged and stupid. And naive. Then I got hired by ESPN and they put me on ‘Monday Night Football.’ Well, I really felt the need to keep taking drugs to prove they were right in picking me.
By now I was old and stupid. Old, naive, stupid and very, very rich – dating Madonna on the side. If you want to know why I secretly took drugs, it’s because it made me better than I was naturally. And by the way, I lied about my cousin. I don’t even have a cousin.
Like almost everybody else, I was shooting up with Jose Canseco.
Also if you don’t watch Pardon The Interruption regularly, you are definitely missing out on a good sports issue debate show… so go watch fools.