This is yet another example of why The Onion has always been a great source for hilarious articles…
BROOKLYN, NY—Mark Mendicus, 26-year-old Staples employee and principal owner of the fantasy baseball team Beat With Uggla Stick, blasted his underperforming team in the media Monday, going so far as to single out individual players, criticize their recent play, and question their commitment to winning.
“They all suck,” a visibly frustrated Mendicus told reporters following Beat With Uggla Stick’s head-to-head 8-2 loss to division rivals The Mark Currys. “[Alex] Rios sucks, Delmon [Young] sucks, Pedro [Martinez] fucking sucks. Everybody on my team sucks.”
“The Beat With Uggla Sticks have a proud tradition of winning,” continued Mendicus, whose team has made the playoffs the past two years, including a league championship win in 2006. “But apparently that means nothing to this group of players. Apparently they’d rather just lose every single 5×5 category. Apparently my players don’t care about winning the 12-team Yahoo! Plus ‘Mmm…Fantasy Baseball’ league pennant as much as I do.”
A hilarious video from The Onion regarding the leaked results of the 2008 Presidential Elections from Diebold. Diebold for those of you who are not aware is the electronic voting machine used to submit and tally votes. It has come under increased scrutiny amid concerns of voting frauds and lack of reliability.
** SPOILER ALERT: REBPULICAN FRONT RUNNER AND PROBABLE NOMINEE FOR HIS PARTY JOHN MCCAIN IS THE PROJECTED WINNER **